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When I see people's lights on I know their home

Posts tagged new thought

Hot chips are technically sugar. It’s always hard to know which part of me is tackling you. You know when people ask you for stuff? What’s happening with uni anyway? It felt like I was going backwards plus maybe I’m finally full of myself. Which is why u do these things but maybe is as close as you’re going to get. Like how do you know when you have to turn? You’re turning. How do you know when you’ve had enough? You just know. But no, we have to make sure. Bad for the engine over time. And the ones who stop? Pikers. Secretly we admire their loyalty.

I’m not here to convince you that my life is interesting or that I caught 3 shoplifters. I’m aware that I try too hard to help others at times so have decided to go and see someone about it so I can help them. Someone was just faffing about so I offered to pay their bill. It’s been done for me I said. I’m trying to write what their response was but it will make me the winner. We were talking about how Usher told T Pain he ruined music for real singers. Nope I can’t talk about that either, ego cramps. Can I mention how ironic hipsters are because they’re gorgeous and terrified of how the outside world is perceiving them?

You know the ones, you’ve known them for 3 years and they won’t follow you. Then you get the Normies; GOD BLESS THE FUCKING NORMIES. You know everything about them and they don’t even blink despite you being better.

Somehow I got up at 8! Worth it because it was quickly 9:36. I got a pair of shoes for $2 and put them on. The soles are coming off the Pumas and would disrupt the finish in here. I heard, “fucking richies,” and they assessed me from the booths. Unsure exactly what it is we do in that moment but I could find out. How we look up from benches, yielding a semi automatic grading system. 22 million God’s with shopping lists. Now tell me where that comes from? I’d have to sit in the dark for two weeks to find the tendrils but I’d do it if I had some interest from investors. I renounce gawking at people every morning, including myself. I’m relieved to see people full of piercings despite the granite.

I was down at the fire last night having a soup. I didn’t say anything to anyone. I had it in my mind that I don’t need to fill silences. It wasn’t a serene understanding, more like treading water. I’m watching me there and I can’t see a problem. Say hello or don’t, get in the car, go home. The only thing worth writing about is the fire and I didn’t notice it.

Carrying on like yesterday’s record. The best part was the loser bit which no-one will understand. I’m a loser. Think about it. If I’m a winner you’re a loser, if you’re a winner I’m a loser. I saw it. Not right now because I’m ambitious but I did. I called someone a loser for ever then I realised they were just trying to win. Which is what we’ve all been conned into doing here. I dunno if you get it. Maybe you want to get it. I know two people like that. The first thing we do is go, oh I’m not good enough because I’m not levitating. April fools. Isn’t that a relief. I won’t even understand this next week but it’s fun to do. You can just tell when somethings coming from a different place. It’s lost its grip. I was looking at someone’s profile who’s got it all and the bio says, “Don’t worry I hate myself.” I felt relieved. Why? It gives me hope in the coin toss. Death and dreams are made in the same factory. If I write in a way which encourages you to compare yourself you’ll have to go get drunk. Why, because I’ve got guts. I’m so outgoing I’m suicidal. Beat that. Homicidal is a close second. Maybe it’s first, I dunno we didn’t watch those movies in my house. I’m not suicidal. No-one is unless they believe it. I used to. I saw something funny, a cinema full of sheep watching a movie about a paddock full of sheep. They’ll never get out.

Respect to The Work of Byron Katie

Listening: Joy Orbison’s new album, Still Slipping. XL https://tossportal.bandcamp.com/album/still-slipping-vol-1

The reason I left uni last week is because I realised how stupid it is to actually pay for something I don’t want but have been convinced I do and is actually killing me. 

The reason I have come back to uni this week is because the excitement of wearing black and showing my forearms is more appealing than being strictly alive; looking out the window. The dreadful existence of being above it all. Must not be abstract must not be abstract. 

Even that’s an ideology though, letting go, giving up. I think we’re starting to get somewhere with, “give up giving up.” 

My friend recently asked me to write a monologue for one of his characters. It’s top secret but has to do with the meaning of life. He says, “You’re the only person I know who could write that.” I agree with him because I’ve seen it; most days too, right up until lunch time when the guilt of underachieving kicks in. 

I know how to get it. 

But I don’t want it.

Because I’m an excellent listener. All the shit you guys have filled my head with over the last 40 years. Even through all the chronic diagnoses and the bed sores, the lice, the footpaths and the I couldn’t possibly get any lowers. Must not be excessively sentimental must not be excessively sentimental. Still I listen and say just give them another chance.

Don’t take this personally unless you enjoy that sort of thing, a good way to measure this is how you react in online forums or watching the news. I think there’s about, actually no-one I know is beyond that. And if they are they’re judging the ones who aren’t. But I do have some associates who are above it, and they were my disabled clients while I did support work. 

I’m justifying the fire in my belly right now with Jesus’s rage in the market. But really the cause of rage is my own noseyness. I could also question that though given a story I heard from a class mate. It was during a printing studio and one of the other students was not listening to the instructions of how to use the press. The tutor flew into a quick fit of rage. My friend monitored the following moments very closely and observed a clear beginning and end to the anger. She carried on in a balanced manner without any further interruption to the cohesion of the group. He and I being both experienced in brawling were in awe of this. 

The reason I write this way is because I intend it to be read. If I were to write exclusively for my own benefit it would look like a stock take pro-forma, then again that could be interesting. 

During meditation I realised that there were people in Perth who’d made celebrated contributions to local music and had thousands of followers, were down right gorgeous and people thanked them when they were in public. The biggest factor was how many blonde haired friends they had, and how those people look stunning wearing a sleeping bag. I saw how frequently these sexy gifted people posted pictures of their heads or some ironic supermarket scene. I thought these mother fuckers have exactly what I want and behave in precisely the same manner which keeps me awake at night. What I mean is I have absolutely no evidence to suggest they are happier than me. It certainly seems that they’re getting their own way though. I know what I’m like when I get my own way. Higher than you. Way way way way lower.