For people who kill themselves

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BC, Canada.

IMG_0499 dickhead

I left Perth 37 days ago. I’ve spent $3,572.90. Life in Cranbrook for the last 3 weeks has been easy while house sitting a 3 story place close to town. The owners took a holiday to Mexico and gave me a V8 Dodge to drive, complete snowboard setup and unlimited Wifi to use. I’ve been to 2 ski resorts close by and have made encouraging progress on the board. By the 4th day I could switch from heel to toe and make turns but I did get angry learning. Surely there’s only so many times you can smash your coccyx on the ice before it will break. Seeing kids a quarter of my age slicing through the tracks encouraged me to keep going. If I can learn to snowboard what else can I do?

At home I’ve been meditating, eating and spending a lot of time on the internet. Somedays before I go to bed I say “That’s it, I’m not using face book at all tomorrow”. Some areas of my life have coveted self discipline. Not this area.

I went to an ice hockey game and watched the players fight and spit every 5 seconds into the rink and on their team mates from the bench.

I went out with my new Buddy DAZ last night. He’s what you want from a friend, human and ginger haired. He teared up talking to me about his father, I hugged him. The only time I can cry is when I’m pissed out of my brain.

“Why aren’t you drinking?” A pair of slurring gentlemen request in unison at the bar. “Life is better when I don’t drink” I reply. “Oh bullshit” they proclaim motioning toward the bar to shout me a shot of tequila. “No, I’m serious men”. They do not appreciate my decline.

Within walking distance there is another bar called “Shotguns”. I now understand what these Gangnam Style posts about are.

There’s something about being on a dance floor full of drunk people that make’s me uncomfortable. It’s like the place is full of people not being themselves and the only way to get rid of the feeling is to join them.

Outside, walking down a lane way in the direction of the car, this girl run’s up to my side. “Do you remember me?”

She has wet brown eyes and straight brown hair that swings by the side of her face as we walk. She attempts to confirm her identity by detailing my raiment the day of our introduction. Ahh, yes. I remember, she was with DAZ one day. She had a tattoo behind her ear and colourful leggings on. She’s trouble I thought, maybe I’ll see her around. Between words she tries to catch my mouth with her bottom lip, her nose brushing past mine. I look down her top at her flat chest, the street light dilineates the striations over her sternum, an adjacent black bra. I’m hesitant to respond to her as some guy is watching us and calling her name, he is agitated. “Let me take your photo” I say. We separate, and the agitated swoops in, but not before my flash freezes her image onto a white canvas.

Tomorrow morning I’m hitch hiking to Nelson. I’ve heard countless people say how beautiful it is, full of hippies with a great ski mountain (Yes probably weed too but I’m not doing that anymore. Shut UP!)

I’m worried about being stranded at night on the way, it has happened before in Australia and I had to sleep on the side of the road. The difference here is it’s below zero and I will die. I’ve just ruined my $500 sleeping bag by not following washing instructions properly. If I survive and make it there, I have at least one place to stay. A guy emailed me in response to my advert on for a couch to sleep on. He said I was welcome at his home in town but…He has an American Pit Bull terrior which is “a good dog” but is very protective and doesn’t like people with anxiety. HAHAHAHAHAH. Lucky I’m vaccinated!

IMG_0785 shes bad


(Mum don’t read this)

Have you ever tried Cariboos? I saw a guy heading to the counter in the liquor store and this well illustrated orange can caught my eye in his hand. Were getting a haul of booze to drink for our Condo weekend a couple of towns away, and yes I guess I have started drinking again. I’m with that girl I spoke about in earlier posts. I’m not going to say her real name because I had sex with her and she has a boyfriend. I got the impression they hated each other and had some sort of open relationship going on. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. This was before I met the guy. We had dinner at her parents house where I’m staying and her boyfriend was respectful and smiled when I talked to him. It became obvious that they were a legit couple.

The Girl’s friend is with us too at the Condo, she’s lovely, shy but encouragable. We’re all sitting on a futon sofa feeling warm and enjoying each others company.

Well I didn’t have a threesome. I’m sharing a bed with Girl, we discussed it before I came, along with some other things. We had been getting progressively touchy over the night but now the lights are out I’m hesitant to start exploring her landscapes.

(Me) “I’m worried about you getting attached to me. You know I’ll be gone soon”.

She redirects her brown bottom in the other direction.

(Her) “Oh for fuck sake, I’m not some irrational 20 year old Bimbo who thinks were going to settle down and have a picket fence. Give me a break”.

I laugh out loud. Well alright then. I was only getting about 50% from her and kept wondering if she was enjoying herself. Maybe I should have made the speech after the match but that could be misleading, and I don’t want any bad publicity amongst her hot friends (providing they can’t read).

We have had a few opportunities to get dirty since then and it took every ounce of virtue in my body to resist the temptation. I wonder what my mates would do. We have obvious chemistry, and a similar sense of humour, I don’t know that many girls that can make me laugh. She also has great tits.

I feel like there is something going on around me that I can’t see which punishes me or rewards me for the things I do and reasons I do them. Wether anyone knows or finds out about these activities is irrelevant, because deep inside, beyond my ego telling me that to be a man I have to screw as many chicks as possible, I know what is right and wrong.

I’d say there’s a 100% chance she will read this so it’s lucky she’s such a good sport. I know other people aren’t always going to be so forgiving. I said to her “You know I’m going to write about this don’t you”. “I wouldn’t expect anything less”.

Revelstoke, BC, Canada 01/02/13

The Freezer

Me “Hi can I book a taxi from 9th St in Revelstoke to the Greyhound terminal please?”

I confirm the pickup address.

Taxi ” What time?”

Me “2AM”

Taxi “Ok we’ll see you at 2AM”

Me “Don’t you want a name or phone number or something?”

Taxi “No it’s ok well have a driver there at 2AM”

I’m writing a blog and watching Bridesmaids with Nick. The bride during rehearsal shits in the street. This is hilarious even when I haven’t been smoking weed. 130AM crept up unnoticed, I’m still dirty after snowboarding, dinner and “curling”. My pack is a “son of a bitch” to organise especially when it’s all over the lounge room floor. I’m going to be on the bus to Cranbrook for the next 8 hours so I want to be clean.

Being wasted and in a rush is not good for a Heem particularly in unfamiliar territory. I make it out the front at 205AM. “Did I miss it, did I miss it?” I don’t have a canada sim card yet so I can’t make any calls. My bus is at 300AM. It’s 225 and I’m flipping out. I have to go wake up Nick inside so I can plug my flat laptop into a power point to ring the taxi on Skype. They reassure me the taxi is on the way. “Is this what’s it’s like overseas? They say the driver is on it’s way, go back to watching CSI and the taxi never comes?”

He comes. I can talk to anyone when I’m bent. It does what a drug is supposed to do.

1. Makes me laugh

2. Makes me sociable

3. Dissolves my ego

4. Connects me with the law of nature. (Karma)

I attempt to embrace the “True Essence of Giving” in my life which embodies kindness to another without the need for any recognition. The purpose of my following recounts are to illustrate why my life is changing and enjoying new wholesome relationships. “Ok that’s $9.50”. I look for the biggest bill in my clip and tip the driver. His face changed shape, everything lifted upwards. He did not expect that.

There is no one at the bus stop. It’s 3AM. I pace up and down and take some photos, everything I shoot is incredible, all my thoughts are profound, I’m a genius! (Popular creative delusions of mine under the influence). Why isn’t this fucking bus here? I opened the email ticket on wifi before I left the house so I could get on the bus. It’s 4AM. As I scan through the email, I picture my Perth homie “Bassett” rolling his eyes and telling me how hopelessly disorganised I always am. He’s right, my bus was 330AM yesterday morning.

I’m sitting on a seat, the ground is at least 10cm deep in ice. There is no one around. I have my $500 sleeping bag and there is a toilet around the corner from which it’s basin I have been drinking. There’s no way of getting back to 9th St, I’m on my own. I love a challenge. I decide I’m going to sleep in the toilet and try get a ride in the morning. A french guy rocks up with his ski gear to wait for a bus, all he can say is “Yes” and “Calgary”.

It's where ya at

At 430AM a short man appears from a motel cabin door, he looks like a bus driver. “I wonder if he’s an arsehole”.

Me “Excuse me? are you a driver?”.

Man “I most certainly am”

I explain where I’m going and what I’ve done hoping he would know somewhere I could sleep for the night. He laughs and says don’t worry “Well get you there”. The bus he’s driving to Calgary is going to be late so he invites me to an all night cafe while we wait. His name is Dennis and when I insisted on paying for his food his soul lit up. One might say of course people smile if you give them money but it’s not the money that’s making them smile, it’s the fact you care about a stranger enough to share it. Sometimes I think about giving away all my savings. Wouldn’t that make things interesting?


Jesse came back after couch surfing the other night and said “That’s it I’m going to Revelstoke, I’ve had enough of the city”.

I eschewed going out in Vancouver last night to stare at the wall and stress some more about my next gambit. I want to keep moving and I know Jesse is leaving for the snow at 12am. There was a very short girl on the top bunk across from me, she was reading a “Walking Dead” comic. I was really hoping she would just come down from there and start undressing to be honest.

I’m sitting in our room in Revelstoke after 12 hours on the bus. It costs $180 per night.  I’m sharing it with a couple from Perth we met on the way, the dude used to live around the corner from me in Eden Hill. They are here to work and snowboard over the next 6 months. Jesse is couch surfing somewhere else in town.


(Me) “Show me a piece of music your into Andrew”.

(Andrew) *Plays a metal band called COG*

(Me) “That’s why I travel man coz you meet interesting people”.

Money is sliding through my hands very quickly, I’ve easily spent $1000 in 8 days. I don’t want to write this but I’m stoned again. I know, trust me, I know. I don’t have travel insurance yet and a girl on the bus told me how her friend just went home with an exploded upper torso from ambitious novice snowboarding. What if people are really clicky around here and hate beginners? I’m going to a 1 day Vipassana meditation course on Australia Day, an amazing gift. After that I’m going to Cranbrook to stay with a Canadian Girl (that I boned) who couch surfed at my house 8 years ago in Perth.