Info

For people who kill themselves

Posts tagged cafe writing

15.7.2022

I could easily walk from here. How long would it take? It was a fucken long drive bro haha. It’s at least 5 hours from the city – you’d have to camp.

The funniest thing happened, I went outside in the dark and down a few garden paths. It was hilarious. On the gravel near the fence in the wet fern I remembered who I was 25 years ago. Lying there paralysed with the horrific stars. There were more people then. And up there that’s where it happened. There’s so many things I don’t have to do anymore.

I love knowing they’re all in there dancing and some over there and up there too and I’m out here. It’s enough you know? And here and there a dog in a wooly thing will come up and you say I wish I was like you.

I could’ve been that cowboy fallen asleep on himself by the fire, or Dennis or just that beautiful polished hardwood bench they’re leaning on to be around and not a part

Everyday I can’t get out of bed as I get out of bed, nor can I put the rubbish out. I’m not talking to her she’s famous. We will go back to Elvira St, where the druggy skaters from laselle smash a building site.

Consoled by youtube strangely – is that possible? A moving, saying that can help me walk the street lighter? Words are the point. Instructions. It is the eclipse, see how wei say things only to propel. Meetings are full of this – going through the motions.

But, while walking – dogs are barking mad. I knew it wasn’t about me this time. Amusement. In my arm chair called out to whatever it is out there amused at my selfness barking indiscriminately comprehensive complete occupation. What choice remains? It gives you the perspective of a robot or a fighter (jet).

The youtuber? Said his life was very uninteresting. TBH people don’t want you to worship them – it’s like getting angry at seagulls for using you. One of the great beliefs I have is that I cannot trust my mind despite trusting not to trust it. A reoccurring decimal.

You don’t bother transcribing or it would go on forever. You just write “r” and move on. You understand now how pointless it is doing cocaine. I said, “Look, I can’t go on – no, wait. Look, I don’t know why – no.” See the universe can’t really work with that, it’s too broad so I said, “Look, I can’t go on, I don’t know why,” etc etc. Apparently I’m already going on and know how + why.

This made sense to me but not my flowers so I’ve let them live how they wish.