For people who kill themselves


Somewhere in Mexico,

I sit back and grin while the people with the information I need to get to the next point roll in and out of my journey. I need to get to Santa Marta train station and I can’t understand help desk’s instructions across the network labyrinth. A little brown man with ground teeth and a childs smile motions me to follow him overhearing my failed comprehension. It was bustling and he kept looking out for me over his shoulder, we had to change trains 3 times and he used one of his tickets for me. Usually I don’t like to smile too much at males because I don’t want them to think I’m gay.

I got off the train and walked over the overpass at Santa Marta with my fists clenched, gritting my teeth, tensing my chest. YESSS! I make a recording while the brown people turn around and watch me.

The highway out of this town leads to Oaxaca, the heart of Mexico I’ve been told. I don’t even feel like getting a ride, I just want to walk and talk to myself. I feel like Forest, Forest Gump.

Some guy told me he had the best experience in the Oaxaca Mountains after eating Mushrooms. I’ve thought about….Okay I won’t bullshit, I’m going to do it too. Then I’m going to write while I’m buckled and post it unedited.

I walked from 6pm til 2am through intermittent showers. It got dark and the highway shoulder was uneven, grassy, cavernous and at times non existent. I noticed the tyre marks and chips out of the stone kerb where I was walking within a metre to giant square metal beasts with robotic halogen eyes and teeth, harrowing towards me flicking blue metal stones at my oesophagus. I feel fuzzy and slightly deafened with fright. At times I had to cross lanes walking with my back to the traffic, in all black, one slip, one dozing driver….

As I walked on a parallel street watching the rain blemish puddles before me, I hear barking up ahead, they spotted me from 70 fucking metres away and I can see the silhoutte of their legs shuffling around their bastion. I approach without turning my head, monitoring a group of 4 gnaring wolves from the shadow of my umbrella. They circle me, throwing fake lunges and nipping at my jeans leg. These fucking cunts are going to rip me to shreds, my whole body is tingling like something murderous is about to happen. A hairy fiend on my right strikes my hip like a caveat shark, if he bites me I am going to destroy it’s face with the end of this umbrella. It launches again biting my cotton knit tied to my waist. I keep walking un responsive. The barking grows more distant. I actually like those holes in the jumper makes it look like I don’t give a shit.

My knee starts to ache. Do you think soldiers who traversed the jungles of Vietnam had time for sore lateral collateral ligaments!!!
I remember George Bush limping on television one day after a chronic running injury, he said “Listen to your body.”

I found a rogue concrete highway barrier at the end of a street resting partially diagonal to shield the rain. I brushed my teeth and layed my blue tarpolin under it, figuring only a friendly neighbourhood would suspend colourful decorations above the middle of their street.

Dribble had just started to seep from the side of my mouth as I heard a number of snarls behind me. I sat still looking at my blue plastic coccoon waiting for these bastards to rip into my back. They just kept barking for 15 minutes until I packed up and left.

An hour down the road was a partially built service station secured behind a barb wire fence. I procured a spot to sleep for 3 hours in the concrete shell of a building under construction. I kept thinking the workman would arrive while I was sleeping and beat the crap out of me. Mexican tradies obviously haven’t heard the saying ,”Get in early get out early.”


One Comment

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  1. June 26, 2013

    Aww, no need to thank me, Heemie. I thank you for letting me peer into your adventures. Within each one of us is a world and it is a privilege when you are invited in.

    I love when you add detail like the flicked “blue metal stones at your esophagus”. lol I’m so glad you made it to Oaxaca.

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