I am not special. I don’t identify with anyone being special or talented. Show me a person who is selfless and doesn’t hate, kill or judge, that’s special, not a musician who can play or sing just like 50,000 other “talented” people. There are just people doing things which make them feel something as a result of their influences. But what was the impetus? Without influence there isn’t one, It’s a womb. Art is imitation.
Realising I’m not interesting is when I become interesting, and not for the sake of being interesting but for the sake of realising the truth.
Don’t you think it’s ridiculous that it’s acceptable for adults to lie to children about santa claus and easter bunnies? How does lying to kids benefit them ever?
What am I contributing to downloading all this pop music for djing? How long will sex be comodified and women villified in it? When will saying Nigga 30 times in 1 song become passé?
Does the world really need another aspiring musician? I don’t need to do it even though I think about it alot, it’s environmental, it was the last thing on my mind in the bush and I was convinced I was done with it and sold all my equipment to keep travelling.
I’m only doing it for the skate rink, those kids make me so happy having fun. I enjoy the connection. I just want something to do, I’ll just sit there otherwise.
If I look back am I proud of all that time I spent downloading music and barely djing? No. I am however proud of the time I’ve spent away from the laptop screen and the countries I’ve been to and how I did it, quite extraordinary really which seems like it never happened now.
I’m thinking more about taking off again. But why? Because I’m treading water, and learning more about the world would have to be the best thing I could do if everything was pointless right?
I’ll get back to travel in a sec.
Sometimes I understand life perfectly, being worthless and weightless, a part of all other life, just a consciousness without a cause. The purity of nature is what’s beautiful. Feeling that makes time vivid and still in those short moments, I can continue living knowing nothing is important because I can’t make a difference, I don’t make a difference. Other concepts are forming and become alot clearer when I don’t poison myself, but they are still very hard to describe. I spoke to a women at the Kalamunda magic shop the other day and she understood me. It’s all much much less about “I” and more about “this” and “is” and “ok”.
Gough Whitlam our 21st PM was active about resource rape, consumption and capitalism in the early 70’s and what difference did it make? We are still expanding, consuming and destroying the place with increasing determination and efficiency. John Lennon was a huge peace activist and educator and we are on the verge of war right now. You might be able to provide some temporary intellectual entertainment, save a few lives, make some social reforms but it’s nature’s way in the end rectifying the imbalances like tsunami population control. We will destroy ourselves someday, but we have some catching up to do to China!
Travel….so……..wandering the streets with wet socks and a dirty backside is horrible. The cold is horrible, being lost is horrible, having no support is horrible, and I have that here. Maybe it will be different this time, cleaner, more planned….
There’s a few important things to spiritual health which probably doesn’t exist but for the purpose I think they are….
Stillness of mind however you get it.
Giving, in no order.
Despite the security, I’m still unsettled, my identity is constantly collapsing, which is rapturous and torturous at the same time.
Has travel helped me as a person? I don’t think so, the same emotional obstacles would have challenged me without leaving the house, I’d just have different observations to recall. Your so abasing. Thanks.
Remember I know nothing only think some things and people can say whatever they want without any action, because that’s what our politicians do, besides Kevin Rudd.
Since I destroyed all social media accounts and links to this blog there is only a handful of readers now and if anyone could be special you’d be close to being it, so share your thoughts if your so inclined.